One lesson I think many of you agree I have yet to learn is the value of being still and satisfied in the moment. I’m in love with the evolution (and quite often, revolution) of life. I crave the unknown, uncomfortable, and unexplored. What’s funny is that it’s through this (ironically) that I’m finding a growing appreciation for the static and independently existing moments in my life. The results have been quite liberating.
What seems to be the stimulus is an invitation I received in September to start an Ashtanga Yoga practice. Twice a week I started getting together with other teachers in an abandoned classroom in the high school. And what started out as an apprehensive interest has revolutionized my mental health. Funny to give so much credit to a series of awkward positions and difficult stretches, but practicing yoga truly challenges my mind, body and soul on a level I never thought possible. How I practice yoga is a reflection of how I practice life. My reaction to conflict. My self-confidence. My ability to persist. How I handle stress. Everything is intertwined and made clear through my reflections. Each move and position is intentional and every breath has a purpose. I must not only be strong of body, but more so, strong of mind. The meditation of the positions brings forth every emotion, frustration and happiness that I experience. And thus each session is a roller coaster of emotions and a challenge to find peace. I search for success and accomplishment, but the practice is never finished. A deeper stretch or a more challenging position always brings me to a different place in my mind. I quiet my thoughts, focus, breathe and discover moments purely of the present. No regret of the past or preparation for the future, but instead that simple and utterly amazing self of right now. It’s so hard to explain how much this has meant to me. The most challenging thing I face in life is myself and I feel like I’ve found one way to meet it. The high of these important moments gives me appreciation, understanding, and often a great deal of happiness.
As what I feel is a direct result of my increasing ability to be introspective, I have built confidence to take on some significant personal challenges recently. A month ago, I led an entire staff development day for 140 teachers (by myself!!!). Motivated by a conference I attended and the often meaningless application of information in the educational system, I approached my administers with my ideas on curriculum, was met with great acceptance and asked to take a key leadership role. If someone would have told me two years ago that I would be living abroad, traveling regularly, and leading workshops for a room full of talented international teachers, I would have laughed out loud. But such is the nature of our self-perception and the often limited way we view ourselves. A good friend gave me a quote a while back that I think I can finally apply meaningfully; “People often over estimate what they can accomplish in a day and under estimate what they can accomplish in a year.”
We discussed recently in one of my Masters degree courses, the concept of “self-handicapping”. The idea that explains the excuses we make for our failures (or simply failure to TRY). And we have ALL been there. For example, imagine you are a student back in school again. Your teacher is handing back grades for a recent test and yours has a big red “F” on the front. Your friends sitting next to you notice and start giving you a hard time. What do you say? Well, first freeze for a moment and consider why you might have gotten the “F”. There are two main possibilities: A) You didn’t study, procrastinated and probably could have done better if you had tried, or B) You studied a ton but you just aren’t smart enough to get higher than an F. Which of these situations is worse? Which would have a bigger impact on your self-confidence and peer perception? I think we can all agree it’s much nicer to think you have the ability and could have done it if you would have tried. That is the essence of ‘self-handicapping’. The fear of trying and failing so scarily defines your self-worth that you avoid it. Instead you don’t try and employ your list of excuses later to save face.
Or instead Imagine yourself on a diet. You are motivated to lose weight and improve your health so you buy a gym membership, some fruits and veggies and start rolling. Monday and Tuesday go by fabulously, but by Wednesday you start to feel the first surge of cravings. Your family and friends seem to be happily eating whatever they want and you feel an itch of jealousy. Why shouldn’t you deserve a treat after lunch? You’ve been depriving yourself this long and you should be rewarded. Plus, losing weight is so hard to do, you’re unlikely to be successful anyway. And everyone is such a bad influence with all the tasty food they are flashing in front of your face. Here’s a classic example of more excuses! What if you do everything right and still aren’t happy with your weight or your health? Again the pain of failure is too much and you collapse before you even really start.
I don’t think there’s an easy way to avoid self-handicapping. Sometimes the stress and pressure really are too much. But I have found a small-scale example of what can be accomplished when self-handicapping is avoided through the group of women that I’ve been running with this fall. There are four of us and we meet every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for running workouts. There is an incredible amount of community and support among us. So much so that all of us very rarely miss a workout. And man do we work out! Speed workouts, hills, weights, and distances that increase every week. Every moment it a new challenge and we face it together head-on. And what did we find was the result? Seriously incredible increases in our mood, self-confidence and of course race performance! In October I ran my first 10K race ever and won fifth place! The elated feeling of walking up on stage to receive a reward I worked so hard for, is liking nothing else. A month later I averaged an 8:07 mile and improved my half-marathon time by a half hour. A half hour!! And one of the girls I run with placed 2nd overall! There was no stopping us. We put everything on the line, pushed past pain and mental barriers and found out we could do it. Again, if someone would have told me a year ago...
Still working on the many other areas of my life where self-handicapping runs ramped, but at least a start.
I am writing to you now aboard a Cathay Pacific flight to India where I will spend the next week building homes with 20 students. This is the culminating adventure of my second and last fall in Korea. More on that to come soon!
What seems to be the stimulus is an invitation I received in September to start an Ashtanga Yoga practice. Twice a week I started getting together with other teachers in an abandoned classroom in the high school. And what started out as an apprehensive interest has revolutionized my mental health. Funny to give so much credit to a series of awkward positions and difficult stretches, but practicing yoga truly challenges my mind, body and soul on a level I never thought possible. How I practice yoga is a reflection of how I practice life. My reaction to conflict. My self-confidence. My ability to persist. How I handle stress. Everything is intertwined and made clear through my reflections. Each move and position is intentional and every breath has a purpose. I must not only be strong of body, but more so, strong of mind. The meditation of the positions brings forth every emotion, frustration and happiness that I experience. And thus each session is a roller coaster of emotions and a challenge to find peace. I search for success and accomplishment, but the practice is never finished. A deeper stretch or a more challenging position always brings me to a different place in my mind. I quiet my thoughts, focus, breathe and discover moments purely of the present. No regret of the past or preparation for the future, but instead that simple and utterly amazing self of right now. It’s so hard to explain how much this has meant to me. The most challenging thing I face in life is myself and I feel like I’ve found one way to meet it. The high of these important moments gives me appreciation, understanding, and often a great deal of happiness.
As what I feel is a direct result of my increasing ability to be introspective, I have built confidence to take on some significant personal challenges recently. A month ago, I led an entire staff development day for 140 teachers (by myself!!!). Motivated by a conference I attended and the often meaningless application of information in the educational system, I approached my administers with my ideas on curriculum, was met with great acceptance and asked to take a key leadership role. If someone would have told me two years ago that I would be living abroad, traveling regularly, and leading workshops for a room full of talented international teachers, I would have laughed out loud. But such is the nature of our self-perception and the often limited way we view ourselves. A good friend gave me a quote a while back that I think I can finally apply meaningfully; “People often over estimate what they can accomplish in a day and under estimate what they can accomplish in a year.”
We discussed recently in one of my Masters degree courses, the concept of “self-handicapping”. The idea that explains the excuses we make for our failures (or simply failure to TRY). And we have ALL been there. For example, imagine you are a student back in school again. Your teacher is handing back grades for a recent test and yours has a big red “F” on the front. Your friends sitting next to you notice and start giving you a hard time. What do you say? Well, first freeze for a moment and consider why you might have gotten the “F”. There are two main possibilities: A) You didn’t study, procrastinated and probably could have done better if you had tried, or B) You studied a ton but you just aren’t smart enough to get higher than an F. Which of these situations is worse? Which would have a bigger impact on your self-confidence and peer perception? I think we can all agree it’s much nicer to think you have the ability and could have done it if you would have tried. That is the essence of ‘self-handicapping’. The fear of trying and failing so scarily defines your self-worth that you avoid it. Instead you don’t try and employ your list of excuses later to save face.
Or instead Imagine yourself on a diet. You are motivated to lose weight and improve your health so you buy a gym membership, some fruits and veggies and start rolling. Monday and Tuesday go by fabulously, but by Wednesday you start to feel the first surge of cravings. Your family and friends seem to be happily eating whatever they want and you feel an itch of jealousy. Why shouldn’t you deserve a treat after lunch? You’ve been depriving yourself this long and you should be rewarded. Plus, losing weight is so hard to do, you’re unlikely to be successful anyway. And everyone is such a bad influence with all the tasty food they are flashing in front of your face. Here’s a classic example of more excuses! What if you do everything right and still aren’t happy with your weight or your health? Again the pain of failure is too much and you collapse before you even really start.
I don’t think there’s an easy way to avoid self-handicapping. Sometimes the stress and pressure really are too much. But I have found a small-scale example of what can be accomplished when self-handicapping is avoided through the group of women that I’ve been running with this fall. There are four of us and we meet every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for running workouts. There is an incredible amount of community and support among us. So much so that all of us very rarely miss a workout. And man do we work out! Speed workouts, hills, weights, and distances that increase every week. Every moment it a new challenge and we face it together head-on. And what did we find was the result? Seriously incredible increases in our mood, self-confidence and of course race performance! In October I ran my first 10K race ever and won fifth place! The elated feeling of walking up on stage to receive a reward I worked so hard for, is liking nothing else. A month later I averaged an 8:07 mile and improved my half-marathon time by a half hour. A half hour!! And one of the girls I run with placed 2nd overall! There was no stopping us. We put everything on the line, pushed past pain and mental barriers and found out we could do it. Again, if someone would have told me a year ago...
Still working on the many other areas of my life where self-handicapping runs ramped, but at least a start.
I am writing to you now aboard a Cathay Pacific flight to India where I will spend the next week building homes with 20 students. This is the culminating adventure of my second and last fall in Korea. More on that to come soon!
No comments:
Post a Comment